Fluke strikes and spectacular late goals are the sort of fantastical storylines that should satisfy their need for Hollywood stardust within their sports.
Yet I can’t help but feel that their ultimate failure in the tournament will lead them to continue with their stubborn dismissal of it. I think their intrinsic arrogance will put them off a sport in which they are merely mediocre. They are more than happy to play “The World Series” in which they are the only nation competing. The sports they like most are sports that the rest of the world don’t really play. Basketball, Baseball, Ice Hockey and American Football. The fact it’s called American football surely renders celebrating how good they are at it ridiculous. Maybe Ice Hockey would be even more popular if Canada didn’t get involved and beat them.
The funny thing is though, “soccer” is the most played sport in America. It just is rarely watched. They love playing it, hate watching it. They love watching American football though with its five second bursts of action, cheerleaders and commercials, before another five second burst of angry helmet bumping as the cycle continues. You see Americans are a bit like children, as they go crazy for tedious repetition. You see Americans are a bit like children, as they go crazy for tedious repetition. You see Americans are a bit like children, as they go crazy for tedious repetition. Coca-Cola! You see Americans are a bit like children, as… I digress. I’m a Stewart Lee fan so maybe I can be accused of some hypocrisy here. But yeah only in America could a team play in the Pizza Hut Park. My point is though that football does not really lend itself to American television. Football is two forty-five minute stretches and by the end it may even end 0-0. The average Americans sports fan’s attention span would struggle to cope with the admittedly lengthy but also flowing nature of it. They need life affirming bangs to jolt their interest, most will never appreciate the hypnotic beauty of a Spanish passing move.
If they were just to have a wee sneaky peek to the south of them they may be able to learn a lot from their South American neighbours. The passion and flair that they have is what football is all about, not PG-rated fun and smiles. An American “Soccer” stadium is packed to rosters (actually not packed, never) with the proverbial prawn sandwich munchers- just there to enjoy the ball game. This is sadly all just very American.